peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
