you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
