Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
