What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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