At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
