Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
