It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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