i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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