to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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