We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
