Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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