New invention idea: vibrating tampons
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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