I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Farmville is her only friend.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
