ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
