I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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