I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
No I am not eating basil off your cock
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
