When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
