All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
