I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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