i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
