Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
