omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
