This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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