I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
