i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
