Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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