I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
