porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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