Are we in a gay sports bar?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
