I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
