You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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