1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
