Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
