even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
