just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
