You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
