Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
