My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
