I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
