he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
