I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
