Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dick very happy bro
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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