Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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