I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
A+ Viking dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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