I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
