Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
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