just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
