i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
