You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
