so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We are two peas in an std pod
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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