I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm both gender and math confused
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
