Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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