Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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