My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
