If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
