God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
