dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
