I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
