Got a toothbrush?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
