You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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