she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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